Thursday, October 30, 2014

6 Things that DON'T Make Me a Bad Mom

I'm pretty sure most of us would agree:  You don't have to look very hard to find examples of bad parenting.

But what I find frustrating sometimes is that often really, really bad parenting is overlooked or somehow excused provided there's some social or economic injustice to blame it on, even while good, decent parents are nit-picked to death over every single choice they make for their kids, from the way they schedule their every free moment to the ingredients present in every snack they serve.

Why does that happen?  Because everybody knows the bad parents aren't listening to anyone else anyway.  It's the good parents, those who actually want to make good decisions for their children, who read the parenting books, take every study about child-rearing to heart, and heed every possible criticism in the hopes they won't "mess up" their children.  Their good, albeit imperfect intentions make them easy prey for every "expert"out there who wants to dictate the way children are taught, disciplined, and fed.

Now I whole-heartedly seek and accept the advice of others.  I read parenting books and articles and blogs and, above all, I search the scriptures for guidance in the training of my children.

But I also refuse to drive myself insane trying to match up to every mortal's opinion of what a good parent should be.

Some things DO make me a bad mom.  Abuse.  Neglect.  Indulgence.

But other things DO NOT.  And I'm learning to quit feeling bad over those things.

  • Occasionally feeding my kids fast food does NOT make me a bad mom.

I know it's not good for you.  I know a diet of french fries and cheeseburgers will pack on the pounds quicker than you can say two all-beef patties.  I know fast food is generally laden with fat, calories, and preservatives, but sometimes life gets busy and a quick run through a drive-through can save a ton of time and stress.  I cook at home three meals a day the overwhelming majority of the time, so I refuse to feel guilty over the occasional fast food meal.

  • Letting my kids play video games does NOT make me a bad mom.

Okay, I will concede that allowing my children to play violent or sexually explicit video games would, indeed, make me a bad mom.  Letting them play video games all day every day would probably make me a pretty neglectful mom, too.  But video games in general are not evil.  Period.

No, I don't want my children in front of a screen at all times.  Yes, I want them to experience nature and personal relationships and using their imagination.

But occasionally playing a video game does not have to interfere with that.  In fact, I've been a little surprised at the kind of bond a good video game can build between my children when they're playing it together!  And I laugh that they often don't even play some games the way they're supposed to, but instead use the characters like digital action figures as they make up their own stories and adventures.

When my children play video games they are spending time together and using their imagination in some amazing ways.  Sorry, but it's hard to find a lot of fault with that.

  • Not always eating at the table does NOT make me a bad mom.  

I know you've read the statistics, too:  Kids who regularly eat dinner with parents around the table are far more likely to avoid risky behaviors or commit crime.

I take that seriously.  Just ask my husband.  He actually pokes fun at me for acting like our children are going to wind up as ax murderers because I didn't get the table cleared off in time for supper while in his home growing up, the family rarely sat together for meals.  Their house just didn't allow the space for it for one, and yet he and his siblings all managed to turn out to be well-adjusted, law-abiding citizens and devoted followers of Christ.  Go figure!

I have to keep in mind we also homeschool, so we are at the table together a lot already and often my tabletop is covered in books and binders and papers and crayons that just don't always get put away in time for supper.  Sometimes the table is also the only safe place to store projects or supplies.  Add to all of that that my kitchen table sits just inches outside my laundry "room" and often becomes a temporary resting place for piles of clean laundry.

I try to keep it clear for dinner, but it doesn't always happen.  Regardless of where we eat, we are almost always eating dinner together, so I won't beat myself up too much if we don't always make it to the table.

  • Serving non-organic and processed foods does NOT make me a bad mom.

I'm all about clean eating.  I love the concept of taking foods down to their most natural state, eating things fresh, and cooking from scratch.

But can we please be realistic here?  I can't cook like that all the time.

Sometimes I have to be able to pull out a quick food lest I spend every non-homeschooling moment of my life in my kitchen.  Homemade bread almost never happens and every once in a while I have to break out a box of mac and cheese or hand my kid a conventional granola bar.  (Although I can't do Pop-Tarts.  Have you looked at the ingredient list for those things?  Yikes!  Presidents have given inauguration addresses that were shorter than that!  But I digress...)

I buy organic foods as often as I can, but I don't always have access to them or have money enough to buy them when I do.  But that's okay.  I'm very much convinced no one in the family is going to suffer irreparably for it.

And, hey, I'm cooking, aren't I?  And if I'm cooking, then I'm not committing the cardinal sin of buying fast food, so it's all good.

  • Not keeping a perfect home does NOT make me a bad mom.

Kudos to the clean freak whose favorite hobby is cleaning their house!  That is so not me. 

But even if my greatest joy in life could be found in spotless floors and sparkling countertops, I cannot attain perfection in this department.  CANNOT.  

I have four children and a delightful, but less-than-tidy husband.  We live in a sweet little home that I love, but its 1100 square feet of space just barely contains us all.  I also homeschool.  Under the circumstances, it's a wonder my home is even livable, let alone perfect!  

And while I love to decorate and long to have a home that is both pretty and clean, finding both the time and the money to do all the things I want to do just seems an impossibility right now.  My house is tolerably pretty, but of course there are more things I want to do and it seems there are projects in the works almost constantly.  When I will ever have it exactly the way I want it, I don't really know. 

But I have a feeling my kids are going to remember a lot more about the time I spent with them than the dishes I left in the sink or the burlap wreath for the door I never finished.  (Although I really do want to hang that wreath!)  

The fact my house will never be anybody's favorite decorating Pin really doesn't make me feel like too much of a failure.

  • Not allowing my children to participate in every activity that interests them does NOT make me a bad mom.

Sometimes there are good things, even very worthwhile things my children want to be a part of, and I have to say NO.  As much as I adore them and want them to experience new things and meet new people and reach for new horizons, sometimes those precious children of mine are pretty fickle creatures;  the extracurricular activities that thrill them one day might bore them to tears three weeks later, so a little parental discernment is in perfect order here.  

And, oh, the time that's consumed when poor parents try to cater to every whim of their children and sign each one up for this sport and that club and these lessons and that volunteer opportunity!  There aren't enough hours in the day and a mom is liable to lose her ever-lovin' mind trying to tote every child around to every function they feel the need to be a part of.  Not to mention the fact the family is spending no quality time together.  

Granted, my stubbornness on this issue may mean my son never makes Eagle Scout and never becomes a professional guitarist and my daughter never perfects her backstroke or masters her sculpting techniques.  

Oh well.  I can live with that. 


So what things don't make YOU a bad mom?  A nightly, uninterrupted bath?  An occasional candy bar consumed behind a locked door?  (Not that I would know anything about that.)  
What things have you been made to feel guilty for as a mom and then come to realize, with time, that they really don't make you such a bad mom after all?

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Thursday, October 23, 2014

What an Eclectic Homeschool Day Looks Like

I began my homeschooling journey with a very traditional, (and, honestly, pretty boring,) approach.

Now I don't regret that entirely.  Okay, the boring part I'm not really proud of, but as a public school grad, the traditional, workbook/textbook approach provided a safe, familiar starting place for a mom like me who had never really intended to homeschool.  And it gave me time to do my research and find out what direction I wanted to take from there.

The more I read, the more I LOVED the idea of homeschooling using a mix of curricula and approaches.  But while I loved the concept, I had no idea how to implement it!  I didn't know how it was possible to homeschool multiple children using multiple methods and curricula and do it all at the same time.

I scoured homeschooling books and websites looking for an instruction book or planner that would lay out a perfect schedule for me and my kids.  Of course such a thing doesn't exist, simply because every family is different and every learner is different and no one system is going to work perfectly for every homeschooling mom.  Anyone who tries to tell you otherwise is...well...wrong.

But though no one could offer me a perfect homeschool schedule, I at least managed to stumble across a blog or two where moms had shared rough itineraries of their homeschooling day.  I couldn't begin to find those blogs now and I'm pretty sure I don't use any of the curricula those moms used, but their posts gave me some ideas, (and, I think, some courage,) to start mixing things up on my own.

I know how much I wanted, (and NEEDED,) a glimpse into somebody else's homeschool, so let me give you a glimpse into ours.  But please keep these things in mind as you read:

  • I didn't want this to be the eternal blog post, so I didn't include much information about my specific curriculum choices.  We'll save that for next week. so check back if you're curious.

  • Not every day looks exactly like this, but if you could somehow draw each individual homeschooling day on a sheet of glass and then stack them together, this is pretty much what it would look like in the end.  Call it a "composite picture" of our homeschool

  • The times I offer here are very, VERY approximate.  In fact, I didn't even want to put a time on anything because it can vary so much, but I know it might be helpful for some.  There are days when the first part of our school day takes 20 minutes.  The next day it may take over an hour!  There are days we finish school as early as 1:30.  Other days we aren't finished until after 4:00.

But this is generally how a day goes in our homeschool...

(More or less)

6:30 a.m.  The alarm goes off and I get up.  I would LOVE to be able to get up earlier than this, but until I learn how to go to bed earlier at night, it just ain't happenin'.  I strive for at least 6 hours of sleep, but I'm not always good at that either and I'm not a daytime napper.  If there's any area where I feel my lifestyle leans in an unhealthy direction, it's probably in my lack of sleep.

But I am not trying to imply a homeschooling mom has to survive on limited sleep!  In fact, I think homeschooling provides the opportunity for more sleep for most moms.  If I was willing to cut writing out of my life, I could no doubt sleep much more than I do, but I think I'd rather give up eating than do that, and since that wouldn't be very healthy either, I just choose to give up some sleep instead.  But I do realize this is an area where I need some improvement.

Anyway, my boys rarely sleep past 7:30, but I usually have time for devotions before they get up and then I'm trying to fold laundry, check news and social media, blog a little or answer emails, and then get a load of dirty clothes in the washer before I start breakfast.

9:00 a.m.  We begin school every day over breakfast at the kitchen table, usually somewhere between 9:00 and 9:30 a.m.  Granted, that's a late breakfast for a lot of people, but with my husband's work schedule, we rarely eat supper before 7:00 p.m., so a later breakfast and lunch works very well for us.  None of us are usually interested in eating early anyway.

We read the Bible and discuss it and we pray together.  I like memorizing passages of scripture rather than individual verses, so we spend some time working on our current passage, (it's Romans 5 at the moment,) and also reviewing those we've already memorized, as well as occasionally going over the books of the Old and New Testaments.  On Fridays the kids have what I call "Odyssey Friday", where we listen to an Adventures in Odyssey for our devotion.

Before we leave the table we usually look at a calendar and review the date, the months of the year, and the days of the week for the benefit of my youngest child.  This is also where we discuss our "Of the Week" subjects.  I vary those to include other things from time to time, but we're currently doing a weekly state, country, and painting/artist.  We look over both a U. S. and a world map every day, often reviewing details like the continents or the oceans.  You can read how I do "Of the Week" here.

First break:  At this point we break for breakfast clean-up and morning chores.  (We have evening chores that are a little more extensive than these, which helps out a lot because we can begin our day with a relatively clean house.  Notice I said relatively.  My house is never, ever perfect.)  My oldest daughter empties the dishwasher, #2 sweeps the kitchen floor, #3 dusts a room, and #4 helps me transfer the load of laundry I washed earlier into the dryer.

10:30 a.m. After chores are done and teeth are brushed, we gather back at the table for Read Aloud.  This is probably my favorite part of our homeschool day together.  My kids may color, crochet, do any of the activities mentioned here, or work on whatever new project I come up with while I read from both a fiction and a nonfiction book, sometimes even throwing in a picture book as well.

We're currently reading The Voyage of the Dawn Treader by C. S. Lewis and King George: What Was His Problem? by Steve Sheinkin.  When we're done reading, we implement a little Charlotte Mason and do some old-fashioned narration as part of our language arts, starting with my youngest and working our way up to my oldest.  And here let me encourage you never to underestimate a small child's ability to narrate even from a book that seems years beyond his level.  My youngest struggled to remember details early on, but I've been amazed at the way his memory and his comprehension have improved as we've gone along.  I'll read entire chapters and though obviously he can't remember as much as my teen, he always picks up on key points in the story and he recounts enough to me to assure me he is hearing and comprehending what I'm reading.

Second break:  We take a few minutes to clean up from whatever activity we've done during Read Aloud.  From this point on in our day, the dynamics of our homeschool changes and kiddos move in separate directions more.

11:15 a.m.  While I love doing school together as a group, (and the more subjects you can do with all your children combined, the easier,) Polly Wolly is a freshman this year.  There are high school credits to consider, so she has far more individual work to do than in the past.  I usually scribble her assignments for the day on an index card and she takes her books to her room to start her work.

*And just a note here... I'm planning PW's lessons for the day as I write them out.  No major advanced planning for me.  I know a lot of homeschooling moms don't feel like they can function without having everything written out 6 months in advance, but that only confuses me and leaves me frustrated if we get off schedule.  I totally understand those who feel like they need lots of pre-planning, but I'm not one of them.  I guess I just look at it like this:  You did that yesterday.  You do the next thing today.  For me, it isn't complicated, but I realize not everyone thinks that way.  I do, by the way, keep very meticulous records in my homeschooling planner of everything we do in the course of every day.  (Lest you think I'm careless in my record keeping.)

Regardless, during this time PW usually completes her math, science, and health.

While Polly Wolly gets started, I take Peanut to the quiet of my bedroom so he can do his phonics and reading using an online program.  He can work independently on that, (mostly,) while I do some dyslexia therapy with Doodle.  If Peanut finishes, he usually plays some of the extra games included in his program or just enjoys a little free time until I call for him again.

After a little one-on-one time with Doodle, Little Man joins us at the table for their math and they immediately do some handwriting practice as soon as that is completed.  Two to three times a week we also do spelling.  Both of them must also spend time reading aloud to me each and every day.  Doodle is usually finished with her written work before her brother, so I can get reading done with her while we're waiting on him to finish his other work.

At this point I call Peanut into the kitchen for his math and handwriting.  I have to work very much one-on-one with him on these, but I'm still close at hand if Little Man needs help.  Sometimes Doodle now gets some extra practice on her phonics and reading using the same online program Peanut uses.

12:45 p.m.  I usually break around this time to fix lunch and we eat around 1:00 or 1:15.  Like I said before, I realize that's a late lunch for some, but we eat dinner late anyway, so it works fine for us.

1:45 p.m.  While Polly Wolly goes back to work on her language arts, I do science with the younger three combined, usually in the family room.  Sometimes I trade off doing science and American history, but lately they've been so interested in their science I've been doing it daily and then doing history a couple of times a week as well.  When we've finished that I usually do one-on-one reading with Little Man and then my younger kids are done for the day, usually no later than 3:00 p.m.

PW, meanwhile, finishes her language arts and then does a keyboarding lesson on my laptop.  (We called it typing in my day, but I understand that's an outdated term.  Some don't consider keyboarding a necessity anymore, but as boring as high school typing was for me, it was probably one of the most useful courses I took in high school.  Oh, the time I save by being able to type without staring at the keys!)

I always try to have the younger kids done with school in time for Polly Wolly to do American history so I can join in!  I love her history curriculum, which includes a quick daily DVD lecture and a reading and/or writing assignment.  History is my favorite, so I find the lectures pretty fascinating and try to watch with her.

3:30 p.m.  School is done for the day about this time.  (Usually.)  I jot down anything I may have left out of my planner, stack papers to be graded and filed, and put away any books, binders, or supplies that have been left out.

Though there are sometimes exceptions, I reserve most grading for Friday afternoons and I separate worksheets and papers into individual folders then as well.  I've tried different systems of organizing and filing my kids' work and using pocket folders for each child for each subject has just been the one that seems to work best for me.


The school year is a little bumpy for the first couple of weeks, just while we get in the groove of things and work out all the kinks to find a daily schedule that's doable.   Flexibility is key here and letting go of the rigidity we so often associate with education is important so real learning can occur.

Is it a perfect system?  No, but trial and error is an amazing teacher.  I understand that some people can't bear the thought of delving into homeschooling with anything less than a perfect plan and perfect order and everything clearly laid out for them from the very beginning.  Homeschooling with an eclectic approach just doesn't offer that, but I feel like the benefits of it far outweigh any drawbacks.

Our homeschool isn't perfect, but I know the eclectic approach is perfect for us.  I love the personal contact I have with my kids, the control I have over what they learn and how they learn it, and the variety in our day that helps keep things from becoming so monotonous.

Now that I have a few years of this system under my belt, I wouldn't want to homeschool any other way.  

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Thursday, October 16, 2014

To the Kind Stranger Who Praised My Little Family

Dear Sir:

I'm afraid I'm a little slow to say thank you, but that doesn't mean I haven't been incredibly grateful for your kind words from the day you spoke them!  What a blessing you were to me, and to all of us! And what a blessing your words have been every time I've thought of them since.

We didn't have a chance to explain, but maybe you noticed our license plate.  We were far from home, over 800 miles from it, in fact, and just passing through Arlington on our way from Fort Worth to Shreveport visiting family.

We hadn't even intended to stop in Arlington.  We were just looking for an In-N-Out Burger, because  we had heard the burgers were amazing, (and they were,) and that the company is Christian-owned, (which is always a plus.)  We actually missed our intended exit, a mistake I think must have been God-directed, and from there our GPS led us to Arlington where our tired little family tumbled out of an over-stuffed minivan to take in a little lunch.

We ordered, taking advantage of the "secret menu", of course, and we got everyone's drinks and found a table.  I think it was one of the kids who first noticed the scripture references on the cups, and when we got our food they spotted them on the fry boxes and even the hamburger wrappers.

It became a bit of a game, I suppose.  The kids found the references and my husband looked them up on his phone and read them and then we talked and laughed and enjoyed a little break in a yearly trip that is always long and wearying.

But I didn't feel like our family did anything especially beautiful.  We were all very tired and a little disheveled and if the kids seemed particularly well-behaved, (and I'm not sure that they did,) it was really only because they were so drained and so happy for a brief reprieve from the confines of the minivan.

But you took the time to stop by our table on your way out.  You smiled approvingly and spoke cheerfully, complimenting my bedraggled, in-every-way-imperfect little family, even calling us "Family of the Year", and I think we were all a little stunned by your kindness and your praise.

So stunned, in fact, that we didn't even ask your name.  A gray-haired woman who had been in your party approached us after you had gone and told us how impressed you had been.  She said you were a pastor and also her son, and yet it still never occurred to us to ask your name or the name of your church.  She, too, walked away and we were left touched and humbled by the kindness of perfect strangers who, sadly, we will likely never meet again in this life.

Such a simple gesture, to stop and speak kind and encouraging words to people you didn't even know, but what a tremendous blessing to me.

You see, I am overwhelmed sometimes with the knowledge of my own inadequacies.  I know I need to be a better wife.  I struggle with self-doubt in my efforts as a mom and I constantly battle the fear that, whether we're talking about setting a good Christian example, homeschooling, or just parenting in general, I'm not good enough at any of it.

Sometimes I struggle to keep our family as the priority it should be.  I never mean to, of course, but our lives are busy, often too busy, and it's easy to get distracted from the things that matter most.  Sometimes I lose my temper.  Sometimes I say the wrong things or I handle conflict the wrong way or I realize I've simply erred through neglect.

And while I wish I could find my validation in the virtue of my own children, I'm afraid I can't always do that.  I have good kids and I love them dearly, but they're just as faulty and mistake-prone as their mother and, whether it's completely fair or not, it's easy to see their mistakes as further evidence of my own woeful inadequacy as a mom and Christian.

And though I don't look to society to help me raise my children, (I believe that's mine and my husband's responsibility alone; there will be no "village" in the raising of my kids,) it would nonetheless be nice if the culture could at least offer some support.  It doesn't.  More often it bombards my children with filth that is destined to wreck their lives if they follow after it, at the same time telling me my faith and my morals and my completely respectable, but "small-minded, judgmental Judeo-Christian views" are detrimental to their healthy growth and development.

I don't look to the world for affirmation, but I don't need its discouragement either.  I get tired of the way it demeans stay-at-home moms, frowns on anything larger than a family of four, and seems suspicious of anyone so crazy as to educate their children at home.  I get frustrated with the sentiment that says children are a bother.  And I find it all the more discouraging when I encounter those same attitudes even among other believers, which happens very, very frequently.

I adore my little family.  With all its imperfections, I think it's beautiful.  But sometimes it's easy to get discouraged.  It's easy to doubt my impact for good and be fearful for the future success of these little people I'm trying so hard to nurture in faith and in character.

But that's why your words that day were such a blessing.  A stranger thought my family was beautiful, too.  A man I'd never met and will probably never meet again affirmed my feeble efforts and reassured me in all my labors.

You don't know how you helped me that day.  You didn't have to say much.  It just confirmed to me once again that I'm doing the right thing, that pouring myself into my little family is the right thing to do, no matter how many distractions there are or how many people may be telling me I should look for fulfillment elsewhere.  You lightened my heart a little and encouraged me to keep trying.  To keep praying.  To keep teaching.  To keep plodding on to fulfill my calling as a mother to the very best of my ability, knowing, of course, that God in His grace is able to fill in every gap this oh-so-imperfect mother is sure to leave behind.

We're not the perfect family.  But you talked to us that day as if we were.  It was kind.  And flattering.  And a little overwhelming.

And I needed to hear it.  Thank you so much for taking the time to talk to us that day.


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Thursday, October 9, 2014

What Coupons Cost You

Maybe it's just me, but it sure seems like there's a lot more talk about coupons than there used to be.   I listen to folks brag about their coupon deals and sometimes I'm left in utter disbelief, not necessarily at the size of their savings, but at the thought of them using coupons at all!  People who wouldn't have bothered with a coupon 10 years ago, (let alone bragged about it!) are suddenly all wrapped up in the magic of couponing.

Chalk it up to the bad economy.  Desperate times call for desperate measures, as they say, and I'm sure a nation short on jobs and long on debt has proven fertile ground for the growth of couponing/money saving websites and some of these "extreme couponing" shows I've heard so much about.

Coupons are nothing new.  It took me about two minutes' worth of research to learn that one of my favorite companies in all the world produced the first known coupon. In 1888 Coca Cola launched what for its day was an innovative, (and pretty risky,) marketing technique--coupons for a free Coca Cola!  Soda fountains across the U.S. were supplied with the syrup and within the first 20 years Coca Cola gave away around 8,500,000 free beverages.   It was promotion of a product on an epic scale. And it was a gamble.

But I think it's safe to say it worked.  Worldwide, Coca Cola now delivers 1.7 BILLION servings per day.  (And just to show my appreciation, I'm doing my part to up that number as much as possible. ;))

Here's my issue: While the benefits of coupons are talked about a lot, the drawbacks of them aren't. Granted, the money saved at times can be pretty impressive.  Once on a trip to Walgreens, for example, I purchased $80 worth of merchandise for $43.  Not too shabby, eh?  And while that kind of savings isn't exactly typical for me, with coupons I can usually save at least $10 every time I make a trip to the grocery and, hey...ten bucks is ten bucks!

Saving money is awesome!

But blowing time isn't.

And to be a committed and successful coupon shopper, you have to blow a lot of it!

Now I've learned some organizational tips that can save a few minutes here or there and I've heard about and even tried some of the websites designed to make couponing easier and less time-intensive, but none of these things negate the sad fact that couponing takes a lot of time!  The clipping takes time.  Matching the coupons with the sales ads takes time.  Organizing the coupons you plan to use right away and saving the ones you'll use later-- all of it takes time!

Now no doubt the dedicated, even obsessive coupon shopper will read this and shout at me, "But think of the money you save!"  Yes, but think of the time you lose!  And you know what they say; Time is money!  Especially when you consider that, let's be honest, a lot of the stuff we're buying with coupons are things we probably wouldn't buy otherwise and don't necessarily need.  Around our house, we're trying to eat healthier and 95% of the coupons I find are for processed foods I don't buy anymore.  That gives me even less reason to coupon!

Now I'm not saying couponing is a bad thing.  I know for some people clipping coupons and keeping it all organized is a hobby they enjoy just as much as I enjoy writing or reading.  And saving money is a wonderful, often needful thing.  But the savings is really only beneficial if it's not at the expense of my time.  That's exactly why, though I was an ardent coupon shopper when I was newly married, couponing went down the tubes as child 3 and 4 came along.  It's not that I didn't want or need to save money, but I struggled to find time to bathe and brush my hair, let alone sit down to clip $.25 coupons out of the Sunday paper!  Even now I only use the most basic coupons and only when it's convenient and usually only when they offer a fairly substantial savings.

So I think it's important to weigh the pluses against the minuses and then make the decision which is more valuable to me--my time or my money?  And when shopping with children in tow, the question is often more like--my SANITY or my money?  Sometimes I'd rather pay more money if doing so would save me some time and some wear-and-tear on my nerves!

In the days before price-matching, I remember my mother driving all over town to take advantage of the sales at various stores.  Looking back now I can't imagine that!  My mom meant well, but she probably burned more gas running from place to place than she ever saved!

To me, sometimes the extreme couponing mentality is much the same.  Save money, but burn time. Of the two, generally I find my time to be far more valuable.  I'll coupon happily, but only so long as the savings aren't costing me more than they're actually saving me.

That's just my never-to-be-humble opinion. You die-hard coupon junkies just clip to your little hearts' content and if you find yourself with leftover time, feel free to come on over and organize some coupons for me.  And maybe you can do a load of laundry while you're here.  Believe me, that would be appreciated!

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Thursday, October 2, 2014

Disturb Us, Lord


I confess.  My knowledge of Sir Francis Drake was limited.  Really limited.

And I'm still no expert on his life and times, though I certainly know far more about him than I did a few weeks ago.

I recently got my hands on a used copy of the audio theatre drama Under Drake's Flag and, just as I expected, the story was incredibly good and the production quality was amazing.  We're huge fans of audio dramas like Adventures in Odyssey, Focus on the Family Radio Theatre, and Lamplighter Theatre, so of course I was excited to hear another story created by some of the same talented people.
But knowing this was a G. A. Henty story stirred my interest as well, since I've heard and read so many things about the English writer whose novels are so popular among homeschoolers as "living" history books.  It was my first introduction to his writing and I'm certainly intrigued.

But printed on the inside cover of the CD set I had purchased was a prayer, written by Sir Francis Drake himself in 1577, some 437 years ago, and its words spoke to my heart in the most amazing way.

Drake, like many of the great explorers and adventurers of the past, is mostly excoriated by modern historians as little more than a money-hungry pirate.  But I tend to believe that he, like Christopher Columbus and so many of the others, was simply a man of his time.  To try to pass judgement on him with very limited testimony as to his deeds and actions and based mostly on current cultural norms, I think, is both unreasonable and remarkably arrogant.

Honestly, Sir Francis Drake probably was not always the paragon of Christian virtue Henty portrays him to be.  But he probably wasn't the pilfering villain the modern historians paint him out to be either.  It's likely the truth falls somewhere in between and heaven will set all things right in time, without the aid of our conceited, though often ill-informed opinions.

Whatever the depth and maturity of Drake's faith, there was faith there and I tend to believe he was blessed for his humble acknowledgment of God if for nothing else.  His words here are beautiful.

Disturb us, Lord, when We are
too well pleased with ourselves,
When our dreams have come true
Because we have dreamed too little,
When we arrived safely
Because we sailed too close to the shore.

Disturb us, Lord, when 
With the abundance of things we possess
We have lost our thirst
For the waters of life;
Having fallen in love with life,
We have ceased to dream of eternity
And in our efforts to build a new earth,
We have allowed our vision
Of the new Heaven to dim;

Disturb us, Lord, to dare more boldly,
To venture on wider seas
Where storms will show your mastery;
Where losing sight of land,
We shall find the stars.
We ask you to push back
The horizons of our hopes;
And to push into the future
In strength, courage, hope, and love.

This we ask in the name of our Captain,
Who is Jesus Christ.

--Sir Francis Drake, 1577

Disturb us.

Are there any words used less in the prayers of the modern church world?  We don't want to be disturbed: we want to be comfortable. We want to be contented and complete and satisfied in all that life has to offer.

We want to be happy, not to learn through hardship.  We want to be healed, not to draw nearer to God through sickness.  We want to be blessed in this life, not to spend our days preparing for the next.

We want God to bless us.  Fulfill us.  Satisfy Us.  Load us daily with benefits.  Protect us from all pain and sorrow and suffering.

And then, God, having blessed us, do us a favor and leave us alone.

We would never say that, but it's what we want.  We want the fringe benefits of Christianity without the discomfort of following Christ.

But I'm praying, "Disturb me, Lord."  Disturb my stubborn tendencies and my preconceived notions.  Disturb my contentment in temporal things and my longing for ease and comfort.

Disturb my satisfaction in self, my confidence in my own goodness and moral character, and stir in me a desire to be more like Christ in every thought and word and deed.

I need to be disturbed, and to push into the future with strength, courage, hope, and love, with Jesus as my Captain.

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Thursday, September 18, 2014

The Road that Led to Homeschool: Where I Failed At Homeschooling

(I've been sharing some older posts with you, ones I felt needed some revisiting.  I wasn't entirely new to homeschooling even when I wrote these, but I was still in wonder of the things that had brought me to that educational choice.  Now into our 6th year of homeschooling, the 'wonder' is mostly gone, but I'm more delighted now than ever to have taken this direction with my children.

But you should understand that failure came first.  In this post I talked about our daughter whom we suspected early on had some learning disability.  Earlier this year it was finally confirmed to us that she is dyslexic and has a language processing disorder.  While of course that is a daily challenge, I also see it as such a blessing.  As contradictory as it may sound, without the difficulties and my resulting failings as a homeschooling mom, I may never have found the joy inherent in homeschooling.)

We can learn a lot from our successes, but it's often our failures that prove to be the greatest teachers.  I've learned, (and am learning,) to accept the lessons they have to teach me.

My very first venture into homeschooling came when my daughter was a preschooler and we started working on some basics together, simply because I noticed she didn't seem to know many of the things other kids her age knew.  I never called it 'homeschooling' however.  Of course that's exactly what it was, but I had no intention of I wasn't even going to use the term if I didn't have to!

But necessity can be a powerful motivator.  Our oldest child was enrolled in our church's small Christian school and she was doing very well.  When it was time for daughter #2 to begin Kindergarten and our school didn't offer K, we found ourselves faced with a dilemma.  I had already decided public school wasn't an option, but from a practical standpoint, neither was another Christian school.  For one thing, it was going to be a logistical nightmare getting two children back and forth to two different schools with two different schedules while I still had two small boys at home.  There was also the issue of tuition for my Kindergartener at a larger, far more expensive school.  The extra funds simply weren't there, so....very much against my will, I decided to homeschool my daughter, even to call it homeschooling this time!  But I would do it only for Kindergarten.  Just this once.

And I wish so much I could tell you that this intentional effort at homeschooling immediately began to break down my defenses, to challenge my preconceived notions, to overwhelm me with joy and fulfillment in God's purpose and plan for my life of home educating my children.

Instead, let me pause a moment and laugh hilariously.

Because my first attempt at homeschooling was, in my mind at least, an abject FAILURE.  Maybe not entirely from an academic standpoint, but definitely from a personal one.

I blew it!  I mean, I really blew it and by the time that year was over, homeschooling one child, I was more convinced than ever before that I never wanted to homeschool my children.  Never.  So let me explain...

While daughter #1 was the kind of kid who just "picked things up" with hardly any effort on my part, who knew all her letters and numbers before she even started preschool, daughter #2 was vastly different.  I knew she hadn't learned as many things as early as her sister and that she was easily distracted in comparison, but I chalked it up to some ADHD and maybe some immaturity and I thought we'd overcome it in no time.  Once we focused in on schooling, the wheels of learning would begin to roll and she'd be on the level of #1 in no time.

But I was terribly, terribly wrong.

My sweet, creative, imaginative little girl is dyslexic.  I didn't realize it at the time, of course, as it doesn't reveal itself until a child begins tackling written language, but I quickly knew something wasn't right in her learning.  My daughter was drawing pictures with startling detail at an incredibly young age and she amazed me by knowing all of her shapes by name almost as soon as she could talk, yet she struggled desperately with something so simple as learning letters and numbers and stringing letters together into words.

Coming to understand what was wrong and seeing letters and words through my daughter's eyes was a slow and very painful process.  We struggled together for months.  Even as an older Kindergartener, (she turned 6 just after we started school,) for the longest time she could not seem to tell her letters apart or learn their names.  Some days she would do relatively well and I would be encouraged.  The next day we would review letter flashcards and she would miss nearly every one of them.  My 3-year old would often wander into the kitchen and blurt out the names of letters and numbers my 6-year old could not remember to save her life.  It was always disheartening for us both.

I can't begin to explain how long and painful those pitiful efforts seemed.  I didn't know what I was doing wrong as a teacher and my daughter didn't know why she couldn't get it or why I stayed so frustrated and I can't tell you the times both of us finished school in tearsI was incredibly stressed.  My patience was shot.

By the middle of February in our school year, I was desperate for some kind of progress and even questioned if I had no choice but to put my daughter in public school where perhaps someone could give her the help I could not.  I was at a total loss for what to do and I was more convinced than ever that homeschooling was not an option for me. 

But I had made some egregious errors from the very beginning and I look back now, knowing well that had I had these issues in check, my homeschooling experience may have been very, very different.  But...

1.  I homeschooled that year totally against my will.

I agreed to educate my child at home, but I did it resentfully, frustrated that this was my only option.  I viewed homeschooling as a burden instead of the wonderful opportunity it truly was. No wonder I was frustrated when things didn't go smoothly!  No wonder I spent the year stressed-out and aggravated with myself and with my daughter and with a disability I couldn't understand!

2.  I went at homeschooling with totally unrealistic expectations.

I didn't want to homeschool, but I figured we'd have some beautiful learning moments together just the same.  My daughter would be anxious to learn and fascinated by the things I taught her. All the distractions would easily fall away with a little one-on-one time. When she read her first word, dramatic music would play in the background and together we'd bask in the magical glow of learning.  (Okay, I didn't really expect to hear music, but you know what I mean.  It was really supposed to be that magical.)  When homeschooling didn't go anything like that, of course I was discouraged.

3.  I hoped for homeschooling success for mostly prideful reasons. 

I realize I'm not painting a lovely picture of myself here, but I'm trying to be truthful.  I wanted my daughter to learn quickly and seemlessly and with as little effort on my part as possible. I wanted her to excel and amaze her peers and mine with her incredible abilities, not for her benefit or for God's glory, mind you, but for my own pride.  When it didn't happen that way and I not only felt inept, but was sure I looked it, too, it was simply more than my dignity could stand.

So, failing miserably and overwhelmed by feelings of helplessness and complete inadequacy, I began to pray.

I know, I know.  I was way late on that one!  I should've been praying and praying hard about teaching my daughter from the very beginning, but I'd gone into homeschooling with this dissenting arrogance, convinced I could do it on my own and mad I was having to do it all.  Sadly, it never occurred to me I might need to bathe my attempts in prayer. 

But desperate times call for desperate measures and, no doubt about it, incredible things began to happen as I prayed.  My daughter did not excel, but she did begin to learn her letters and by the end of the school year was reading very simple words, though it seemed to happen in spite of me more than because of me or any brilliant efforts of mine.

So at year's end we closed our books and I finished my first attempt at homeschooling.  Or just gave up on it maybe, but either way the summer passed and I breathed a sigh of relief as I sent my daughter off to Christian school for 1st grade.  I wasn't sure she was ready for it, but I hoped for the best and thanked heaven I didn't have to homeschool again!

But unbeknownst to me at the time, something had begun inside of me that school year.  My failures nagged at me.  The miserable helplessness I'd felt, the horrid, humiliating inadequacy I'd experienced was painful, yet fertile soil for a "homeschooling epiphany" to begin to grow. 

I wasn't willing to homeschool, but in the slightest, almost indiscernable way I think I began to be willing to let God change my mind on the issue, if indeed that was what He wanted to do! 

Now, I don't think I really believed He wanted to change my mind at all, or maybe I didn't believe He could.  But it didn't matter.  All God needed was a little willingness, a tiny crack in the door of my heart.  It wasn't much, but it was enough.  And then one day I prayed that half-hearted prayer I mentioned before.

"God, if you want me to homeschool, you're gonna have to change my heart."

Bam.  I think that's all He was looking for -- the slightest willingness.  It was very slight, mind you, but God in His mercy and love took hold of that prayer and was kind enough to answer it for me, even when I wasn't sure I wanted it answered at all.  He didn't change my mind all at once, but slowly, through circumstances and through prayer and through gentle, but frequent proddings in my heart. 

And when I decided to give homeschooling another try, this time with multiple children, I was so uncertain and so afraid.  Surely I'd be stressed again.  Surely my patience would be gone by Christmas.  Surely I would be completely burnt out by the spring.

Yet here I am, more passionate about my decision to home educate than ever before.  It's been amazing.  Miraculous.  Something so far beyond myself I can't even begin to describe it to you.  It's been a gift of grace, one as readily available to you as it has been to me.

"Oh, not me!" you say.  "I could never homeschool!" 

Yeah, I said that, too.  Yet here I am.  And thank God I'm here! 

It's my rallying cry, the daily mantra of my heart, and only in remembering it am I confident in this thing called homeschooling. 

"My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is
made perfect in weakness."
--2 Corinthians 12: 9

And I'm all weakness.  I admit it.  But I've learned, through my failures, that it's not MY strength I'm depending on anyway. Thank God He daily gives me HIS.  

And thank God for the road that led me to homeschool. 

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